The Secrets to Leading a Calm and Peaceful Life
Chaos. Absolute Chaos.
That’s what life was like just a few short years ago. I was disorganised, scatty, and, worst of all,
Anxious.
I’m not talking about the “worried I’ll miss the bus” kind of anxious.
I’m talking the tight-chest-lump-in-throat-can’t-breathe kind of anxious.
Can you relate? Maybe, given that you clicked on this article. At the very least, you’re longing to lead a calmer, more peaceful life.
Now, I want you to picture this…
A woollen blanket, hugging your shoulders with comfort (isn’t it soft?)
A mug of hot chocolate, thawing your cold fingers.
A garden, blossoming with birdsong.
Winter turning to Spring.
Your soul is calm.
Quiet.
This is the kind of inner peace that you can have.
And in this article, I’m placing the secrets right at your fingertips.
Secret #1
Peace Is Not Found In Possessions
It all started with five dresses.
And the realisation it was more than I needed.
In 2016, I moved to Tajikistan and lived with a local family - it was a conservative muslim town so I wore the local dress out of modesty and respect for the culture.
First, I went to the marketplace and chose a material to my liking.
Then, I spent time with my host mum (a seamstress), designing the style. It took about 2 weeks for her to make a dress.
Dress No.1: Very modest, in a dark blue and white pattern.
Dress No.2: Beautiful velvet Winter dress in a deep red paisley pattern.
Dress No.3: Tartan (of course!) with a bow, made from thicker material for colder days.
Dress No. 4: Pale pink cotton with yellow and blue flowers.
Dress No. 5: My favourite, a summery red with embroidered cuffs (I still have it today!)
Five dresses.
It transpired that the blue dress was traditionally considered “funeral colours” and inappropriate for a young 17-year-old girl. I was encouraged to wear brighter pinks and reds instead.
Four dresses.
The colder days passed.
*Two dresses.
This is all I wore. Even with only five dresses in my possession, it was still more than I needed per season.
When I was wearing one, the other was in the wash.
Life was simple. Peaceful.
And my eyes were opened.
At the end of my time abroad, I returned to my teenage bedroom in Scotland. Tatty movie posters climbed over the walls and unworn clothes crept over the sides of drawers, like some kind of material invasion.
Those possessions I had thought of as a safety net? They were the very things pushing me off the edge.
And now I knew there was another way. A simpler way.
In an accidental experiment, I’d discovered that letting go of an over-abundance of things leads to greater clarity of mind.
So began my first declutter - one of the first steps into long term simple living.
The amazing thing is that, instead of losing comfort from letting go of my possessions, the opposite happened.
I gained peace.
So that’s the first secret. Let go of the physical clutter dear friend…
and you’ll find your mental clutter begins to fade.
If you’re unsure where to begin, start small. Get rid of the obvious junk. The broken, ill fitting, and unused. Clear out a single drawer and see how you feel.
The truth is, your headspace is worth so much more than the items cluttering your home.
In case you need more convincing, here’s a reminder of the benefits of a clear, uncluttered space:
You’ll saving time on cleaning
You won’t lose things as often
You’ll gain clarity of mind
You’ll find it easier to keep to routines
You’ll gain a sense of peace and calm
You won’t walk into things as often (assuming you’re anything like me!)
*Obviously owning only two dresses is quite extreme and not necessarily practical. Everyone has their own “clicking point” with what is an appropriate number of possessions - I encourage you to find yours.
Secret #2
Mental and Physical Health Are Inextricably Linked
You’ve almost certainly read about the importance of a healthy diet, water, and exercise for your physical health.
But what about mental health?
Let’s look at the science.
Cardiovascular Exercise
It’s a dreich day (let’s say a Monday) and there’s a mountain of tasks to climb. The house is a mess and everything feels overwhelming.
And then, you put on your favourite jam.
Your mood starts to lift as you sway and, next thing you know, you’re full on head banging and the dishes are all but done.
Your heart is beating a rhythm. Endorphin chemicals surge in time with the chorus.
And a smile breaks across your face.
You see, cardiovascular exercise releases endorphins, the body’s natural “feel good” chemical. This helps put you in a good mood and naturally shifts your mindset towards a calmer, more positive outlook.
Stretching
Stretching is essential for releasing stress. Whether you’ve been sitting too long or been faced with an emotionally taxing situation, you’re going to hold that tension in your body.
Even just 60 seconds of stretching in the morning or a short yoga session in the evening can help you let go of this tension.
For a start, simple stretching releases the chemical serotonin. This balances hormones and is proven to result in a decrease of stress -
Which means greater feelings of calm.
Yoga is also scientifically proven to release Gamma-amino butyric acid (GABA), which inhibits certain brain signals…
Leading to reduced feelings of anxiety.
And an increase in that “zen” sensation you’ve been craving.
Healthy Diet + Staying Hydrated
Sometimes you may feel anxious and irritable because your body is trying to tell you something.
It isn’t getting what it needs.
So, before you do anything else, do yourself a favour. Drink a glass of water.
It sounds like an annoyingly simple fix, I know. And I’m not saying drinking water is a magic elixir (this would be a very short article if that was the case!)
All I’m saying is not to underestimate simple changes. Just from personal experience, I found that it was a load of small, simple changes that helped my anxiety - not a complicated solution.
Besides this, make sure you’re eating a balanced, healthy diet. Not too much caffeine. Not too much sugar. Lots of vegetables (you already kinda knew that though).
Some store cupboard foods that promote anxiety-reducing GABA include:
Fish
Pulses (beans, lentils, etc.)
Potatoes
Tomatoes
Secret #3
Trees Really Are For Hugging
While the term “tree-hugging” originally comes from environmentalists hugging trees to protest against them being cut down, it turns out that tree hugging also has personal health benefits.
Getting out into nature will reduce your…
Anxiety
High blood pressure
Feelings of fear
Muscle tension
And improve your…
Feelings of wellbeing
Sense of calm
Memory
Vitamin D Levels
From gardening to hiking, spending time in nature is a beautiful place to start with leading a calmer, more peaceful life.
Picture a scene of sweeping mountains. They’re covered in verdant wildflowers. At night, the sky blazes forth with millions of lights. In the distance, the waves dance on the shore.
A small bird sings nearby.
These are reminders, great and small, of the futility of worry. No matter what happens in our lives, the tides still churn and the sun still rises.
It’s okay.
Everything’s going to be okay.
You can breathe.
I promise that if you prioritise spending time in nature, life will feel a great deal more peaceful.
Nature In The City
If you live in a city, you can find pockets of nature in parks and garden centres.
And, if you don’t have those, you can bring nature inside with easy-care pot plants (cacti, succulents etc.) or try your hand at planting an indoor garden.
Secret #4
Meditation Isn’t Just An Activity
It’s a way of life.
I used to think that meditation was a case of closing my eyes for 10 minutes, breathing deeply, and thinking “calming thoughts”.
While it’s true that this kind of meditation is helpful (more on that later), it doesn’t end there.
Meditation is more of a way of being throughout the whole day, rather than a one time activity. It isn’t a self development task to check off because the gurus say that’s what’s important.
No.
Meditation is so much more than that. Not to mention simpler.
Meditation is a rhythm of grace throughout the day. Grace to self, and grace to others.
It is intentionally choosing to let go of unhealthy thought patterns.
It is taking a deep breath before uttering a harsh word.
It’s not easy at first, and it takes practice. This is why extended 10-30 minute guided meditations are so helpful for building those new patterns of intentional thinking. But that’s not where it ends.
The long term purpose is to retrain your mind to carry a meditative, more balanced mindset throughout the day.
Secret #5
It Gets Crazier Before It Get Calmer (and that’s okay)
You may be hoping for a quick fix to your feelings of restlessness.
And no wonder.
Anxiety and stress are things we all want rid of - quickly.
But as stress often comes out of busy restlessness, it’s going to take slowing down to ease back to a sense of calm.
I’m going to ask you a personal question. Do you have any skeletons in the closet?
The thing is, some of your anxiety may be linked to issues that go deeper than the present season you’re in.
You may need to deep dive into your past and fish out those skeletons.
Then you need to process and grieve them. Only then can you truly let them rest in peace where they belong.
In the past. Not the closet of your mind.
Just like a good decluttering session, this process can get messy.
And it may feel and look ten times worse before it gets better.
When I started therapy, I spent months crying (read: wailing) on the church floor as I grieved out ten years of buried loss. Words can’t express how much it hurt like hell at the time.
But then, one day, I woke up and instead of icy wind - the sun was shining.
Winter was over and gone.
And the feathered wings of peace alighted upon my soul.
“See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”
Song of Songs 2:11-13
